Home is where the Holidays get Personal

December is full of holidays. People from cultures throughout the northern hemisphere developed customs to celebrate the point where days are the shortest and then begin to lengthen. That’s when the coldest part of the winter months still lies ahead, but the light is returning. Some cultures call solstice “midwinter” since light is returning. This goes for the summer solstice as well, when the longest day peaks and days get shorter again in midsummer.

Thursday, December 21, 2023, at 10:27 P.M. EST marks the winter Solstice. A greeting for solstice is “blessed be!”

Many European Christmas celebrations include traditions that predate Christianity. Yule is one of them. Yule focuses on the winter solstice, and is celebrated with evergreen trees, mistletoe, gift-giving, and feasting. You’ve heard of the yule log, right, the wooden one? How about the Yule log or bûche de Noël cake?

Buche de Noel

For neo-pagans, Yule is the celebration of the winter solstice and has traditions and religious meaning that are separate from the Christians celebration of Jesus’s birth.

Cultural norms, religious norms, family norms. They are all different. What happens in your home?

There has been an unnecessary minefield created around Christmas. The majority of Americans are Christian, or of Christian heritage. Every family has a family style of celebration that varies, even within a specific worship community. People who live together blend those customs and end up with something else, going forward.

There are Christians who reject the materialism and do not gift-gather through December. Their decorations go up Christmas Eve. There are other Christians who adore the flurry of activity in December: decorating, cooking, and gift gathering. For some Christians, Advent is a serious, well thought-about run-up to the celebration of the birth of Jesus. To other Christians, Advent is a non-event.

Non-Christian Americans make decisions on what to do about the avalanche of red and green and sales and lights and food offerings that accompany Christmas. Some just love it; some just loathe it.

I can speak for what I see in my community. Jewish families vary on the consumer focus of Chanukah. Most light Chanukah candles. Many eat oily food. There is such a thing as a Chanukah bush, and some Jews have them. Other Jews think they are awful. The communities I and my partner grew up in did not go in for Chanukah bushes. Some of those pro-bush Jews share a home with anti-bush Jews; they work it out.

Some Jewish people are very comfortable going to Christmas parties at work or in public arena, some want to see the words “holiday party” instead. It’s individual preference; that’s why it is so hard to know what is best for everyone.

Question: How can I be inclusive in my holiday celebrations?

The question comes up from well-intentioned people who want to avoid that minefield of welcoming people into their homes during the December holidays.

Christmas is, at its base, a central holiday of Christianity. Chanukah is not that to Judaism. (New Year’s/Rosh Hashanah and Passover are among the important ones). For pagans, neo-pagan, wiccans, and other season-attentive faiths, solstice is one of several seasonal holidays; it is the favorite of some people, but not foundational to the faith.

Islamic holidays are not linked to seasons, so there is not an annual winter holiday in the same way. There are no major Sikh, Hindu, or Buddhist celebrations at the end of December.

To the extent that your holiday is about your religion — not about secular culture — how do you share that?

You are inviting people into your home. Your home reflects you! Declare your love for your religion tradition and what you like about it. It is about trust and love. Your friends want to understand you. Show them. Invite friends to share in the trappings of your holiday, not necessarily your beliefs. People from other religions can enjoy the food, lights, art, and company.

If you are inviting people over, there is no need to change what you do, unless you are doing a prayer meeting (see below). If Christmas is about the baby Jesus for you, own your faith. Don’t move your creche collection. It is part of you — the people you invited like you! You do not need to water down your faith. You do not have to include other people’s faith. You don’t need to go buy a hanukkiah (Chanukah menorah) or a Kwanzaa candle set. Adding a little bit for someone else’s religion reads as tokenism to most people.

What about inviting them to church?

Don’t surprise people with prayer in the name of Jesus. Some people who are not Christian feel strongly that they will not pray in the name of Jesus. Others love to go to Christmas worship services. The choice is theirs.

If you want to invite people, know that they may not want to go. This does not diminish your faith. Your faith is different from your friend’s views. If you both respect one another’s moral actions, there is no reason you both need to worship your way, or their way. Someone’s worship practice, or lack of worship practice is personal.

The bottom line is that your home reflects who you are. December is a time when your house is special, if you celebrate a December holiday. Share your joy with people you like and love, so that they know what makes you happy. Enjoy!

Whatever you celebrate this December, celebrate in good health.